when i look at ...

slow music ... not too mellow .. with some beats ... and perhaps a guitar .. and a really deep voice singing.. that almost sounds like its a conversation ..

.. the post must start with the words "when i look at.." , like one of those essay questions on your english I exams in school ....

.. my life, my desk , my day , my pen , my knee , my broken nail ... something ..

i don't know why i can't write that one .. i am too worried about what some idealized character would say .. that i can never complete that sentence ... let alone an essay .. it only takes that first line .. where it opens .. then its just for you to read it... from where ever it is that you read things u write about ..

independent thought , maybe i take its definition too far out of context ..
yea , "too far out of context" should be my middle name , too long for a nick name ..
everything with Simon is too far out of context ..

idealized character , far from it .. its like they say "on a long enough time line the survival rate for everyone drops to zero " .. they meaning chuck palahniuk .. on a long enough train of thought everything would be too far out of context .. and in an open enough dialogue anything could be a prototype ..

i wish i could say all this started because i was staring at my broken nail .. that could have easily be made to mean something ..

thats what is missing, meaning ..
when i look at....anything ..